Long Ago…,

And so far away…, years in my past there was a girl, her name doesn’t matter except to me.  I used to work at a hospital, I’d come in early get a cup of coffee, wait at the window for her to arrive.  She wore what I called the string dress, made it herself had thin little straps that went over her broad shoulders.  God she wore it well, nothing underneath but panties.  A loose limbed undulating walk…, very very fluid that only the young can pull off, completely unaffected by her beauty.  I was smitten as I watched her breast gentle movements under her clothes.  She was 19 at the time, new to life, new to how things worked, and very trusting that life would work out to her favor.

Of course the fly in the ointment was that I was living with someone already, also a very loving forgiving woman.  I was in my late 20’s, still feeling my oats, and very much torn between the two; very much feeling that I was missing something, that something was my freedom.  Like with the other summer help she was a student, I liked the “kids” and would give them my list of books I thought had meaning, and were well written.  Then at the end of summer all of them returned to school, life returned to the normal state.

My live in girlfriend and I were having problems, then things would settle down, we’d be at peace again for a time.  A long winter followed, things got worse and worse…,finally we decided that we should take a break from each other.  She moved closer to downtown, where she worked, and I stayed in the apartment because it was closer to where I worked.  I had a blast, saw what I was missing, of course the young woman stayed over a couple of nights.  When my girlfriend returned, I had had enough of living a monogamous life.  A few days later we went for a walk along the railroad tracks, I told her that things just weren’t working for me.  That I didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with anyone, that I was leaving not for someone, but for myself alone.  It was a very hard conversation to have, I believed that it was the more honest way to be.  We separated a few weeks later, she didn’t want any of our possessions even though I told her that I’d just have to get rid of them.

I setup a life by myself, I also made up for lost time.  The young lady and I became closer, but didn’t live together, but we did see each other on a regular basis.  She was very young, needed her space and time to grow.  Of course we had our disagreements, that’s the way life is, but we made-up and life was good for the both of us.  She was the longest relationship I had up till then, about 5 years, the closest we came to living together was 1/4 mile.

Of course there is more to the story, I’ll save that for another time.

Mamma Lena

Mamma Lena with the background matts that I do.  A low-res scan, have to be seen at full resolution to be appreciated.  The matts I started playing around with the idea a few months ago, like the look and feel of the matts.  I think it adds a touch of class to the image, so far no one else has them, I hope that is a good deal.  About the image, she is a model of mine I first shot many years ago, now she is carrying her first child.  So very nice to work with an old friend, the natural rhythm of shooting comes back.

Blue Period

I love this image because of the white breast in the midst of all the colours. From the personal collection of mine, with the model consent and approval. The model isn’t all that pleased with the size of her breasts, though I maintain that the size isn’t important. She has no body fat what so ever, she is very lean, active to say the least. I also think she has bought into the idea that she is somehow a lesser woman, because she doesn’t have large American breast. I love shooting her, long and lanky, athletic and fit. We began our journey in nude photography some years ago, she has a special place in my view of women. To me the size of her breast is unimportant. That her heart is in the right place is all that matter to me.

Ruby at the Farm

 

 

 

 

 

The second time Ruby worked with me out the friends farm, we worked in and around the family graveyard. Way off

in the woods, small trials led into the area protected by its remoteness. I found it very peaceful, we worked with a respectful quiet. The mosquitoes, however were out for blood; she sprayed her front, I her back to help repel the little beasts.

In early spring the day was mild, the clouds…, like a giant scrim floating in the sky. As this was our second shoot, Rudy had no inhibitions about nudity, she worked very well…, creatively. Very playful as the camera loved her, she in turn had different looks she tried for effect.

Esparanza

 

Esperanza came into my photographic life when she was 22 years of age. She was a little firecracker of a young woman just entering her prime. So full of herself, willing to play, had that confidence only youth can bring. After that first shoot she came back to my apartment to have a bite to eat, and to talk more. She was the wife of a friend of a friend of mine, trying to find what she wanted out of life. Later as we did more shoots we went out for lunch after. She’d take my arm going into which ever restaurant we had decided to go to. All male eyes, and not a few female eyes were riveted on her, I felt so special to be the man who had her on his arm.

She was among the first women to tell me that shooting gave her all the benefits of an affair without all the compilations. She’d try different personalities to see what they looked like to others. It was fascinating to watch her as she changed from one personality to another. Like most of my models, she came without eating anything so she’d keep that slim profile. But when that alarm sounded, we had to get her fed ASP.

Even after I moved to New York City, I’d let her know when I was coming into town, we’d setup a shoot. I’d try new lighting setups I’d seen in my work with other photographers on commercial shoots. Because she loved to play, we’d try different things…, but she was hesitant to shoot completely nude. I did get a few shots of her in the all together, but her heart wasn’t into it. To this day I don’t understand her reasoning as she always had a terrific figure made for photography. But I accepted her wishes, warned her when she was showing more than she want seen.

I feel that it is important to work with the models limits, not to cop those shots the model is unaware of. In return she has the confidence in our works to give me carte blanche in using the images we have shot. I also feel that its the right way to go, to have that trust that you honor in all my dealing with my models.

Pregnancy

 

Oh to my delight plans for the new series have a rival, one of my models is expecting. As man and photographer, I am thrilled. When I was younger, friends often didn’t want to share the experience of being photographed, or breast-feeding. Time, values have changed as I have as well, older I’ve been blessed to witness the event from beginning.

First as a lowly floor cleaner, I befriend the interns at the teaching hospital I work at. They in turn checked with the doctor, gave me the all clear so I got to watch all sorts of operations. I saw people die on the table in addition to being born, saw people’s bodies stripped of parts, the gift of life, or sight for other patients. Once over Christmas, I was asked to shine the spotlight as the doctor operated on a patients brain. A truly miraculous experience all because I could talk.., think, and had a curiosity for life.

A few years later, I again returned to work in a hospital, there I made friends with the doctors as they did rounds. My photography was the deciding factor to get me in the room as the patient was worked on. Not that my exploits went unreported to my supervisor who was not my biggest fan. My supervisor was actually rubbing her hands together as she walked me into the director office. I was going to get mine, and she would be witness. Imagine her delight as the director said I had been spotted going into the surgical suite to take pictures.

Very calmly I replied that the situation had been cleared by the doctor, and any question he had could be answered by the doctor. Further, I said I was on my own time, and had violated no hospital rules…, I got up and left. It was very hard not to smile at their crestfallen looks, my dressing down hadn’t gone quite as planned.

I learned early the “the best defense is a good offense”. I had learned the hard way, to be a chameleon in dealing with people, my own parents taught me well. As much as I could, I tried to blend in, to pattern my behavior to please people. Only when confronted would I go into “good offense” mode…, that either work or got me fired.

Quite the way I deal in business, try to get along, but never show fear. In my assistance days I worked with a number of highly charged photographers. Driven, prone to a manic depressive outbursts…, the better the photographer the higher the manic in charge. Never show fear, know what you are doing or suggesting. Hold your ground, believe in your skill and knowledge. Once I corrected a photographer of his error…, long pause. Did I go too far? I challenged him about something he said. Then the exhale, “what I hate about you is that your right!” I patted his leg, said “always, remember that”. And then the winning smile.

You have to believe in yourself for all to work to your advantage. And for your sake, learn to play, not take life so seriously. I chose life, as in to have a life, to enjoy all that came my way with excitement, and joy. I chose to leave the camera home most days, so I could experience life as a participant rather than the observer, worried about f-stop, shutter speeds, and what not. This is the only life I’ll have as far as I know. Chose life for all its joys, for all its sorrow, and surprises.